i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
