From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize