You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
