just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
