Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize