Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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