I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
