I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
