look no pants
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
