I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
