I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
