mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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