So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize