I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
