Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
