ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
