he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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