i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
