Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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