Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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