he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
