I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
