was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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