I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
