you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
