Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize