I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
