Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
