Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
