hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
