Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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