In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
