I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just gargled with NyQuil
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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