Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
