i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
