it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
