Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
