I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
