somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize