I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
