If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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