in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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