Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
