the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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