two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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