he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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