wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
