I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
