Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
