I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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