why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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