I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
