If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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