How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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