Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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