I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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