why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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