dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
