"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
