do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
