So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
