its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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