so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
