There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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