it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize