Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
