just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
