Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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