I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dignity is for republicans.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
