Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
