And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
