Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
