i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
wow bdsm is so cute
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
