you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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