wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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