Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Randomize
