we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
