The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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