i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
