I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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